Wedding jitters

Last weekend was great -- our son got married and a good time was had by all.  But on Wednesday night, as we all were getting packed to hit the road, the mood was a bit tense.  The groom called me up to say that he was mystified -- all four pockets on the new suit coat, just home from the store, were false!  (How long has it been since this man bought a new suit?)

No, they're just sewed shut, bring them over and I will apply the seam ripper.

It so happened that earlier that day I had applied the seam ripper to another new jacket for the father of the groom, so I thought I was all warmed up and ready to rip. But that garment was user-friendly -- the stitches holding the pockets shut were relatively long, sewed in contrast color thread, and came out easily.  This coat was apparently sewed by somebody in a bad mood, who set her stitch length to tiny and her tension to tight.

It's the bottom seam, between lining and suiting, right under my thumbnail, that has to be ripped.  But it took lots of pulling and probing and cussing to get that first stitch identified and cut.

Did I mention that there were four pockets on this coat?  I pulled and probed and cussed for a long time -- and then -- KLONG.  I realized that on one of the pockets I had ripped the wrong seam, the one holding the top of the pocket bag to the body of the coat.

I had to painstakingly re-stitch the seam by hand, trying to take tiny firm stitches that would withstand the long-term stress of a loaded pocket.  Fortunately the holes from the original seam were prominent enough that I could tell exactly where to stitch.

When the seam was finally closed back I had that adrenaline poisoning that you get after a near-death experience.  And I had to wonder -- how do ordinary schlunks without seam rippers buy suits these days?  What if they rip the wrong seam and don't have mothers who can stitch it up again?  And what if all of the above occurs in a hotel room the morning of the wedding?  Perhaps that's why the occasional groom doesn't show up as expected.

And continuing that train of thought, why don't they sew pockets shut with red thread, and why don't they use chain stitch so you could just pull a thread end and open the seam without using sharp implements?  But that would be too easy.

P.S.  All's well that ends well.